Sunday, December 16, 2012

It's a New Day...It's a New Dawn...And I Feel...

... Overwhelmed!

Lots of things have been going on.... work, school x 2, church, and trying to date. It seems I have allowed the wrong things to cloud my mind, so I am going to debrief on my thoughts going on in my head...if you get offended, I am sorry, but I have to let these things out.

Work: After the last couple of days, some new perspectives have come up with the shooting occurring in Connecticut. I love my job and teaching the students; that's not the question. I would, too, give my life for any and all of my students and co-workers to ensure their safety. This is not what has bogged my mind with work...what has is my work ethic. I am a workaholic. While that has gotten many doors opened for me in my profession, it has also isolated me as far as my social life is concerned. I've been more worried about getitng work stuff accomplished, rather than building relationships outside of work...and I see the complications with that. I guess that will be part of my resolutions for the new year to continue to work on that. I do not want to become such a workacholic that at 50 when I have time on my hands I realize I haven't experienced on the "fun" things of the 20's. I want to have that fun now and enjoy it again and again as I grow older.

School: What can I say?!? I need to put more time into it, but not willing to. It's exhausting, but I know the reward will be great at the end. The science endorsement program is in its last semester, which means I will have more time to breath after May. I will just need to focus on my doctorate, which will begin taking its turn to the hard part....the dissertation. BOOO! Get ready for the whining....and eventually calling me a doctor! Hahaha!

Church: I cannot be more thankful for my church and the people that have come into my life because of it. It seems like each week PK has just the thing to say to "me". I enjoy volunteering through ushering and leading a small group. I do see how things are changing for the good because of my release to let God take control of things; however, it is just as tough. Most importantly, (again) I am thankful for the friends that have come into my life to help me with the struggles, celebrate in the great times, and cry with me during my stressful times! I can't thank God enough for those people. As I have mentioned on Facebook, I am looking into another mission trip this summer. I've been inconsistent lately with my time with God, so I know I need to dive into making sure this is where God needs me! Oh, Tanzania that is! Get ready for more information to come!!!

Dating: Still just as frustrating as when I was 20...hahaha. Does it get easier? I don't think so! However, I am continuing to grow as a person with each and every experience, most recently....being patient! With past relationships, I have been screwed over time-after-time, so sadly I approach new relationships with fearfulness of being hurt I question, too much sometimes! If I feel something, I don't step away from my overanalyzing girl mind....instead, I press. Of course, I understand its frustrating for the other person and I hate that! I wish I were secure to know that I am not going to be hurt again (I think everyone thinks that!); I just need to let go to let things be...good or bad! I can get hurt, it happens...OR... I can have an amazing relationship develop. The thing is I just need to step back...have fun...and just LET IT HAPPEN! Yep, this is my own pep talk! The things I know I can and will offer someone...the world! When I fall, I fall hard and deep. I have let people come in and out of my life and a very, very small handful have left a lasting impression.... I did learn from my brother to not go back to people, which I've been good at doing, but those very, very few are the ones that have made it hard to walk away from. I just want to give someone the happiness they deserve, just as I want them to do the same to me. I know this isn't going to be a Cinderella story... hardships are to come, but being able to be wait through it is what makes a strong relationship. Furthermore, I know God has a plan for me... I just need to remember it is God's plan, not mine. He's already shown or will show me the person he has selected for me.... I just need to be patient AND stop questioning. :) I am excited, scared, anxious, happy, and scared to see what is to come of this!

Now... I can't have a faith, fitness, and future page without mentioning one of the F's... I have discussed my faith and future, but not my fitness. As I mentioned in a previous post, I needed to get my rear back in action, but nothing has come of it.....however, I am in a new perspective with what needs to get done. With that said, I am going to look into getting into CrossFit. It has really, really interested me and I want to get my butt kicked again! I miss my time with Andre, but can't fork out the money to get him like I had for a year. So new methods will be taken!!!

The approach of the new year, of course, has started to fuel some of the things even more, but all of these things have been weighing on my heart pretty heavy lately and needed to come out....hence, this post. I do want to get better about writing, but I can't make any promises....just know that I am going to try... just like I am going to TRY on all the things mentioned above. I look forward to the day, the week, the month, and what will come in the next year!

This song is appropriate for so many's been really going through my head the last couple of days!